The End of the Beginning (Genesis 46-50)

[Gen. 46]

God appears to Jacob/Israel and lends his approval to this relocation down to Egypt. When the extended family gets there - now 66 people strong - we're given some recap genealogy about them all.

Joseph coaches his brothers on how to address themselves to his boss the Pharaoh when they have an initial audience with him. "Say you're shepherds. Egyptians hate shepherds. So then the Pharaoh will make you stay near Goshen - where you'll be safe and I can keep an eye on you."

What do the Egyptians have against shepherds?

[Gen. 47]

Well, at any rate it works: Pharaoh tells these shepherd-men all to go to Goshen. Before they do, Jacob/Israel, the family patriarch, is also brought before the Pharaoh and asked how old he is. "130," Jacob answers, then goes on to complain about it. "[F]ew and evil have been the days of the years of my life, and they have not attained to the days of the years of the life of my fathers in the days of their sojourning." (Gen. 47:9)

And then everybody settles in Goshen.

Things take a turn for the worse around the country. All of Egypt pays all of its money to Joseph in exchange for the grain he's socked away. (Really, all? Yes. All.) The next year, they have to pay him with all of their cattle (all). The next year they have to sell off all their land and their own selves as slaves in exhange for grain. Joseph distributes seed to these newly-minted chattel, informing them that they'll henceforward have to give up a fifth of their harvests to the Pharaoh.

Joseph's family seems to be getting on well during this time, however. At least until Jacob/Israel dies, 17 years after arriving in Egypt. First, though, he makes Joseph swear to bury him back home in Canaan. Which Joseph agrees to, by placing his hand beneath his father's thigh. Since, as you will recall, that's how Bible-abiding people always swear an oath, right?

[Gen. 48]

There's some confusing and highly unmotivated business at Jacob's deathbed now, where he summons Joseph and announces from out of the blue that he's going to adopt Joseph's two sons - his own grandsons. Why? Something to do with the covenant God had made with Jacob, but some cross-referencing here assures me that God never told Jacob anything about adopting grandkids on his deathbed.

(The motive is actually to explain why two "houses" of Joseph's descendants later turn out to be on a par with the Tribes of Israel. This act of adoption places them on a similar footing to the other tribes, primogeniture-wise.)

In ushering his sons forward to receive this blessing, Joseph positions his eldest, Ephraim, to fall beneath Jacob's right hand, and his younger son Manasseh to fall beneath the left. Again for no real reason but to "predict" the later lay of things, Jacob switches his hands and gives the edge to the younger child, Manasseh.

(And now, in this next paragraph, I shall discuss the one-sentence verse of Genesis 48:22. Note how many confusions and contradictions it contains.)

As a parting shot, Jacob pledges to Joseph the area around Shechem, which is wondrous strange. (A) This promise, like everything else in the chapter, is made for no particular reason. (B) Jacob doesn't own that territory. Now - way back when, it's true that Joseph's brothers Simeon and Levi slaughtered everyone in the town of Shechem while they were "sore" following a mass circumcision. But Jacob's family fled the area after that, since the folks in neighboring towns evidently disapproved of wild massacres. And the family hadn't been back down that way ever since, excepting the periodic long-range herd grazing loop. They sure didn't own the place. And, (C) Jacob is now taking credit for acquiring this land which he never acquired "with my sword and with my bow." Which is in complete contradiction with Genesis 34, wherein Jacob was in fact quite angry at his sons for attacking the city.

So we've got a little J versus E verses versus P versus D stuff going on here. Which is - ah, whatever. But I just hope you infallible-texters are keeping score at home.

[Gen. 49]

Then Jacob/Israel opens up the family meeting and invites in all his sons. He recites to them a long poem which blesses - or characterizes, or predicts the future of - each.

• Reuben, my first-born, will be proudest and strongest: but not the most powerful, because you screwed my concubine way back when. I hope you didn't think I was going to forget about that.
• Simeon and Levi, you are nasty, violent little brutes whom I want nothing to do with; and your tribes will be scattered into the larger nation of Israel.
• Judah, you are great. Seriously. Just tops. You are a lion, and everybody else will bow to you, and your enemies' necks will be crushed beneath your feet, and you'll wield the scepter, and etc., etc., etc., etc. And Judah's "eyes will be red with wine and his teeth white with milk." (Gen. 49:12) Creepy.
• Zebulun, you will go on to work a lot with boats.
• Issachar, you're a dumbass. Literally. By which I mean you'll content yourself in work - like a donkey - and will never care too much about who you're getting worked by.
• Dan, you will be a judge, which may sound noble, but I don't think so, because I liken you to a snake that bites a horse and unseats the rider.
• Gad, you're just going to spend all your time fighting off raiders. Sorry about that.
• You'll eat very good food, Asher, with the possible implication that you're a bit of a sissy.
• Naphtali, you are a hind. You know, in the sense of a three-year-old female deer? Go figure it out.
• Joseph, you of the Technicolor Dreamcoat, who is known by the Egyptians as Zaphenathpaneah; Joseph, I say, you will be a fruitful bough - a fruitful bough which is under attack by archers. (?!)
• Benjamin, you are a ravenous wolf who shares its food. In other words, young Ben, you are a self-contradictory metaphor.
  

"Now, bury me in the cave of Mach-pe-lah, east of Mamre, which my father Abraham bought from Ephron the Hittite for 400 silver sheckels in Genesis 23."

[Gen. 50]

Got to quote the opening of this one directly:

Then Joseph fell on his father's face, and wept over him, and kissed him. And Joseph commanded his servants the physicians to embalm his father.

Whoa, jumping the gun a little, aren't we? "Ah, dad's done talking, so let's just pull his brain out through his nose with a hook and have it over with." But I suppose we can assume that the patriarch's final expiration occurred neatly between those two sentences.

So a great funeral cortege goes up from Egypt to the cave of Mach-pe-lah in Canaan. Joseph's brothers, nervous that Joseph's going to whack them now that dad's no longer in the way, say, "Oh, uh, by the way, our father passed on to us a final wish that you should forgive us for selling you into slavery." It's unclear whether Joseph believes them, but he does forgive everyone.

And then, prosperous in Egypt, Joseph lives with his brothers, his two sons, and his two sons' children down to the third generation, finally dying himself at the age of 110.